Du bist nicht angemeldet.

Rônin

Moderator

    Deutschland

Beiträge: 3 397

Registrierungsdatum: 24. September 2009

Wohnort: NRW

Danksagungen: 901

  • Private Nachricht senden

61

Sonntag, 2. September 2018, 16:53

Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown

Renowned author Dan Brown woke up in his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house – and immediately he felt angry. Most people would have thought that the 48-year-old man had no reason to be angry. After all, the famous writer had a new book coming out. But that was the problem. A new book meant an inevitable attack on the rich novelist by the wealthy wordsmith’s fiercest foes. The critics.

Renowned author Dan Brown hated the critics. Ever since he had become one of the world’s top renowned authors they had made fun of him. They had mocked bestselling book The Da Vinci Code, successful novel Digital Fortress, popular tome Deception Point, money-spinning volume Angels & Demons and chart-topping work of narrative fiction The Lost Symbol.

The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.

Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. He knew he shouldn’t care what a few jealous critics thought. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. Wasn’t it?

I’ll call my agent, pondered the prosperous scribe. He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. “Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown,” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.”

“Mr Unconvincingname, it’s renowned author Dan Brown,” told the voice at the other end of the line. Instantly the voice at the other end of the line was replaced by a different voice at the other end of the line. “Hello, it’s literary agent John Unconvincingname,” informed the new voice at the other end of the line.

“Hello agent John, it’s client Dan,” commented the pecunious scribbler. “I’m worried about new book Inferno. I think critics are going to say it’s badly written.”

The voice at the other end of the line gave a sigh, like a mighty oak toppling into a great river, or something else that didn’t sound like a sigh if you gave it a moment’s thought. “Who cares what the stupid critics say?” advised the literary agent. “They’re just snobs. You have millions of fans.”

That’s true, mused the accomplished composer of thrillers that combined religion, high culture and conspiracy theories. His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears. It was said that a copy of The Da Vinci Code had even found its way into the hands of renowned monarch the Queen. He was grateful for his good fortune, and gave thanks every night in his prayers to renowned deity God.

“Think of all the money you’ve made,” recommended the literary agent. That was true too. The thriving ink-slinger’s wealth had allowed him to indulge his passion for great art. Among his proudest purchases were a specially commissioned landscape by acclaimed painter Vincent van Gogh and a signed first edition by revered scriptwriter William Shakespeare.

Renowned author Dan Brown smiled, the ends of his mouth curving upwards in a physical expression of pleasure. He felt much better. If your books brought innocent delight to millions of readers, what did it matter whether you knew the difference between a transitive and an intransitive verb?

“Thanks, John,” he thanked. Then he put down the telephone and perambulated on foot to the desk behind which he habitually sat on a chair to write his famous books on an Apple iMac MD093B/A computer. New book Inferno, the latest in his celebrated series about fictional Harvard professor Robert Langdon, was inspired by top Italian poet Dante. It wouldn’t be the last in the lucrative sequence, either. He had all the sequels mapped out. The Mozart Acrostic. The Michelangelo Wordsearch. The Newton Sudoku.

The 190lb adult male human being nodded his head to indicate satisfaction and returned to his bedroom by walking there. Still asleep in the luxurious four-poster bed of the expensive $10 million house was beautiful wife Mrs Brown. Renowned author Dan Brown gazed admiringly at the pulchritudinous brunette’s blonde tresses, flowing from her head like a stream but made from hair instead of water and without any fish in. She was as majestic as the finest sculpture by Caravaggio or the most coveted portrait by Rodin. I like the attractive woman, thought the successful man.

Perhaps one day, inspired by beautiful wife Mrs Brown, he would move into romantic poetry, like market-leading British rhymester John Keats.That would be good, opined the talented person, and got back into the luxurious four-poster bed. He felt as happy as a man who has something to be happy about and is suitably happy about it.

https://onehundredpages.wordpress.com/20…wned-dan-brown/
"I knew this day would come. Now that it's here, it seems so sudden, and at the same time as if it took forever.
I know this opponent well..."

Rônin

Moderator

    Deutschland

Beiträge: 3 397

Registrierungsdatum: 24. September 2009

Wohnort: NRW

Danksagungen: 901

  • Private Nachricht senden

62

Dienstag, 9. Oktober 2018, 16:29

Der Text ist als Parodie ganz interessant - er erwähnt ja wörtlich Browns Schwächen, und zeigt diese in der Folge einfach nur beispielhaft und überzogen auf, damit man versteht, was gemeint ist.
Mir ist aufgefallen, dass die unter Netflix produzierten (Nicht später gekauften) Serien und Filme immer so ne gewisse Max-Qualität haben. Das Zeug kann gut sein und ist es auch oft, aber niemals hat irgendwas davon künstlerischen Anspruch. Nichts davon hat ne herausstechende Cinematographie oder wagt Experimente, an die man sich später erinnert. Alles irgendwie wie Dan Brown - der Mann ist n gutes Beispiel für nen Autor, der super spannend ist, aber niemals irgendeinen Satz geschrieben hat, der irgendwie zitierwürdig ist oder einem im Kopf bleibt.
Der letzte Punkt ist wichtig; man liest Dan Brown einfach nicht, weil er so künstlerisch anspruchsvolle und im Gedächtnis bleibende Prosa schreibt. Brown liest man aus zwei Gründen. Der erste ist, dass er absolut jedes Kapitel mit nem extremen Cliffhanger beendet. Ist billig, aber in der Art wie er es voll durchzieht, ist es ne Kunst für sich. Browns Bücher spielen sich oft auch in nur wenigen Stunden ab und die Story bewegt sich in einem irren Tempo voran.
Der zweite Grund, und der macht ihn schlussendlich doch zu nem in seinem Fach ganz guten Autor, ist der massive Anteil an Recherche, der in seinen Büchern steckt. Es geht üblicherweise um Verschwörungstheorien und Geschichte, und Brown macht halt durch seine tiefgehende Recherche ne sehr gute Arbeit damit, beides so schlüssig zu verbinden, dass seine Bücher vom Gefühl her die bloße Fiktion verlassen - auch wenn sie bloße Fiktion sind. Als Da Vinci Code damals rauskam, erschienen ja auch hunderte wissenschaftliche Artikel die den Leuten erklärten dass nein, all dieser Kram steckt nicht im Letzten Abendmahl. Wie oft ist sowas bei nem Mystery-Thriller nötig? Es wirkt einfach realistisch.
Das bedient nen Sense of Mysery, den man als Erwachsener nur allzu oft in der echten Welt vermisst. Wenn man dumm genug ist, wendet man sich dann an Zeug wie Esoterik, Prä-Astronautik und so weiter. Es gibt viele schlecht gesinnte Menschen, die an diesem Bedürfnis Geld verdienen. Dan Brown ist nicht schlecht gesinnt; im Gegensatz zu Däniken zieht er sich klar als Autor von Fiktion auf, auch trotz seiner pompösen Hinweise, dass seine Schauplätze und Hintergründe wahr sind, was ja stimmt.
Den Verschwörungskram ausgenommen erinnert seine Nische auch ein wenig an Michael Crichton, der in seinen Büchern auch immer irgendein wissenschaftliches, gut recherchiertes Thema aufgriff, und dies mit ner prosaisch unterdurchschnittlichen, aber spannenden Thriller-Story darbot. Man lernt was. Bei Jurassic Park über Dinos und Gentechnik, bei Timeline über Quantenmechanik und das europäische Mittalalter, und so weiter.

Wie die Parodie andeutet; an dem Punkt ist es nicht wirklich wichtig, dass Brown einem nichts anbietet, was man in seiner Signatur zitieren kann. Stümperhaft schreibt er ja auch nicht.
Würden Kritiker schreiben könnten und wahrhaftig etwas vom Schreiben verstehen, würden sie schreiben, und nicht Kritiker sein. Dan Brown ist in seiner Nische renowned as fuck. Und die Parodie ist halt trotzdem wahr.
"I knew this day would come. Now that it's here, it seems so sudden, and at the same time as if it took forever.
I know this opponent well..."

Zurzeit ist neben dir 1 Benutzer in diesem Thema unterwegs:

1 Besucher

Social Bookmarks

Counter:

Hits heute: 1 912 | Hits gestern: 10 043 | Hits Tagesrekord: 53 992 | Hits gesamt: 13 577 781 | Gezählt seit: 11. September 2011, 15:03